The always scrupulous National Enquirer has a suggestion on how Martha Stewart can get through her five month incarceration. Oh, sorry, her friends have a suggestion:
"She's been advised by friends to hire a hulking gay girl, the toughest in the prison population as her 'protector.'
The tab goes on to report that: "One tough-as-nails lesbian was overheard boasting to other Danbury inmates: 'I (sic) going to make Martha my new girlfriend!"
Heidi Fleiss even chimes in with:
"Jail is lesbian hell, Martha is rich, powerful and attractive. She will be approached for sex, a lot!"
We never thought that we'd heard Heidi Fleiss pronounce anything a "lesbian hell," but, in any case, Martha attractive? Whaa? The last pictures we have seen of her, she had ditched the Greenwich mom look for that of a Sumo-wrestler. Oh wait, now we get it! Martha's been beefing up so that nobody fucks with her in jail. If any grammatically challenged, tough-as-nails dyke tries to get some of that -- she'll get crushed; just like that, sucka. (Enquirer)
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