Anonymous Outsider

Ex-actly... Ex-actly

"Can a people that believes more fervently in the Virgin Birth than in evolution still be called an Enlightened nation?" (NYT)

Mourning in America

Boy, what a difference a day makes. Remember all that promise yesterday morning -- the bustling at the polls; It felt like what we imagine a Howard Dean Meet-up might have been like. We're sure at least somebody hooked up with all that wise-cracking and bonding; or at least got some phone numbers.

But, since last night, we have learned that a good many of Americans are so ditch-dirt stupid, that they will vote for their jobs to be outsourced, a new career as a Wal-Mart clerk for six dollars an hour and their children to be blown apart by IOD's for the next ten years, in a war they don’t believe in, just to make sure a small minority of people are barred from loving each other in their own way. We learned that women, the sick, and Gays will take it in the ass for a long time to come. We learned that a candidate of Jewish extraction can be so ineffectual, as to lose the most Jewish votes of any Democratic candidate in history. We learned that people lie to exit polls, so they can look nice, and get tax cuts at the same time. We learned that Bob Shrum has no business advising a candidate. We learned that John Edwards was a useless choice as a running mate. We learned that there is no "cell phone" vote and faced with the choice of "Vote or Die," some would obviously rather die. We learned that Ralph Nader should get a cap in his ass, and his body buried in Idaho. And most of all, we learned that Larry King has no business doing election coverage. God save America, she's lost control. See you at JFK.

Nice Shirt, Dick

With the fate of the country hanging by a chad today, we think it would be a little facile to post about Paris Hilton's latest girl on girl action, or whatever. This is one day when getting all of are asses up and away from our monitors for a couple of hours (man, that long? -- I've got drugs to score, yo) makes some sense, even here in a blue state -- the popular vote is the best indication of the country's mandate, and if Bush wins the electorate, but loses in the popular tally, at least he and his scumbag cabal will be rattled as fuck; even better, of course, Kerry will win the election.

Republicans Work to Get Out Black Vote

(Onion)

Bush Twins Greatest Hits

Last night, Americans watched lovingly as the Bush twins broke down in giggles on the podium of the RNC as they tried to grapple with the cold realities of a teleprompter. Oh and they seemed like okay girls, don't get me wrong, but when Laura Bush said, referring to the twins, "We're so proud of them" it reminded me of that line in Donnie Darko when Donnie asks his mother:

"How does it feel to have a nutcase as son?"
A: "It feels wonderful."

Anyway, several months ago, we posted the top eleven "scandals" involving the Twins -- it includes sex, drugs and gay rock & roll.

Even More Wooden Than Usual

While Bob Dole wonders whether or not John Kerry bled for his Purple Hearts in Vietnam, we wonder if Dole has suffered to preserve his looks; looking at the accompanying picture of Dole we cannot help but wonder if the old GOP warhorse has gotten some botox lately. His forehead especially looks awful smooth and tight for a man of his advanced age (and compared to some older photos ((example above). But hey, as the "Swift Boat Veterans" know, the truth is so subjective.

How About Taking Their Word For It Then?

Although, Somehow, we think this picture might be a little too good to be true.

'Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah: My Daddy's President And Your's Isn't'

Picture: Jenna Bush makes a statement to the press about why she is crucial to her father's reelection campaign. Someone should really tell the Secret Service agents assigned to Jenna to lock the mini-bar before she uses the limo.

Six Republican Senators Granted Backdoor Access

I'm not in the habit of saying anything good about Republicans, but the six GOP senators that broke party ranks to vote against the gay marriage ban amendment (including John McCain and John Sununu{!?) deserve a round of applause and a night of hot sex in the manner of their respective preference (no snickering please). On the other hand, Rick Santorum, who, in effect, compared gays to terrorists when -- talking about the vote -- he said, "Isn't that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?'' obviously deserves to be violently gang-raped by the twenty darkest-skinned inmates in Guantanamo. No, wait... This isn't about making his dreams come true. It's just so nice to see that scumbag and his lapdogs defeated.

(PS -- I'll be away from Anonymous Outsider for another day -- at which time -- of course, there will be no stopping me. See you soon.)

More Seriousness Than You Can Shake a Stick At

"The fox, as has been pointed out by more than one philosopher, knows many small things, whereas the hedgehog knows one big thing. Ronald Reagan was neither a fox nor a hedgehog. He was as dumb as a stump."