Anonymous Outsider

England's Dreaming

Kate Moss scrapes former Libertine and admitted crack addict and junkie off of the London pavement and whisks  him off to her Cotswold mansion for some wild druggie lovin'.  Yay for Crack and dope.  Like e-harmony for cool people.  (Evening Standard)  (Sun)

Amazon.uk is reporting a run on Happy Mondays albums since Bez, the group's infamous dancer, mascot and chemist, has appeared on celebrity big brother.  Bez himself seems to be having a rough time locked in the house however, and he nor any the Mondays, for that matter, will probably make any money from the revival.  Hey, as long as Warner's is happy.  (Manchester Online)

Err, surely, the worst defense of Prince Harry's "party nazi" gaffe so far -- from some royal hanger-on  -- "You could argue that it was a good thing Harry wore that costume. After all it highlighted the whole debate about Auschwitz—and that's a positive thing, surely."  Indubitably, dumbass  (blood running a bit thin, eh?).  (NOTW)

Her Math Boards Must Have Been Monsters

How are the Olsens adjusting to their first year at NYU? One of their fellow frosh weighs in.

Subj: Re: MK Olsen Date: 12/11/2004 From: xxx To: teague157@aol.com

...I don't know that much about them. Everyone says that Ashley is really nice but Mary-Kate is a bitch. Mary-Kate went home [Ed.-home? rehab again?] or something, but I've see Ashley with a friend in Hayden [Ed.--NYU dorm on Washington Square West] a couple of times.
There is one really funny thing that I've heard about Mary-Kate though, my friend told me that the first day she showed up to a intro to Lit class they had together, the professor asked (MK) what her favorite book was, "Tootsie Rolls" Mary Kate answered. Everyone kind of giggled nervously. "Um, that's really interesting Mary Kate, is that the name of a book though? The question was what's your favorite book, not candy," the professor responded. "I don't care. I hate books. I like tootsie rolls." The class erupted....

C'mon, bitch, stop lying. 'Tootsie rolls,' my ass, that's just what your handler programmed you to say so you don't slip and say crack by mistake. And no one cool reads anyway, nerds, so just get over it.

Britslap

What a surprise, kids. Britney Spears and Downtown electro-punk geeks, DFA, have nothing in common.

"When we work with people, we hang out, listen to records, share stuff," says Murphy. "But with Britney we had absolutely no way of communicating. She didn't know anything that we knew." (Voice)

Next time, try a bitch slap, guys. It's obviously working for Federline. Okay, that was wrong. Blame it on Bush.

Best Excuse of All Time

Either Micheal Lohan, Lindsay's dad, is a fellow of Swiftian wit, or he's completely fucktarded. Okay, he's completely fucktarded. Either way, though, the next time our boss asks why we haven't met a deadline -- we'll know exactly what to say.

Mr. Lohan admitted that he’s been difficult to reach this past month "I just got out of the hospital. I had a minor heart attack. And before that, I was on vacation." (NYO)

You're supposed to have the heart attack first, dumbass.

Page Six: Britter's Pregnant

"According to Shar Jackson, Britney Spears is pregnant."

We thought so, a month and a half ago. Wait, lost election, huh -- wha? Oh yeah, we remember now.

Oh Yeah, Ice-T is a Big Dick

It's always nice to see when a celebrity has a good relationship with his fans. That he, you know, remebers where he comes from, and shit. Mr. Ice is one of those fellows, sayeth the famous pimpologist:
"The kind of celebrity I am, I can't be right around people, because they do stupid things, they spill their drinks on you. At this place, they take care of you." (NYT)

Another Brit Slip

Marriage, obviously, has not slowed Britney down a bit. In fact, lately, she seems to be dying to throw off the confining yoke of oppresssive, Victorian low-slung jeans and belly shirts. Is Ladbrokes giving odds on when she'll finally show some real skin already? Like, all, 3-1 for nippage, 20-1 for some furbage, or all, 500-1 she'll blow Federline in front of a gaggle of paparazzi? Oh, wait -- right, our bad, she already did that. Oh, what the fuck. Who are we kidding, man? We just want to see this bitch naked already. And this blog has officially scraped rock-bottom.

Mmm... Duff!

Almost Famous

It isn't all Nobu and Per Se for Holywood's almost A-list. A friend recently dined next to Billy Crudup at an inexpensive Vegeterian favorite and stood next to Chloe Sevigny on a subway platform, the same night.

"The other night, at Zen Palate [Ed. -- Huh? ugh.] me L** and B*** sat at the next table to Billy Crudup and some grizzled old sketchmeister: the two sat for like hours and if I didn't know better I would have thought they were gay or Billy was flirting with some venerated director for a coveted part, they kept leaning in really, really close to each other to touch each other's hair. Later, the same night I stood next to Chloe Sevigny on the subway platform at Union Square. At least she doesn't get chauffered around to all those club openings and fashion after-parties. When you think about it, how much money could she have made with, like, those two movies she made and being Tara Subkoff's BFF?"

We didn't have the heart to break it to our friend how rich CS' family is.

Look Who's Talking

We know J-Lo is about as in as, well, Paris Hilton will be in 2006, but, be that as it may, in celebration of the great icon her ass used to be we're posting these pics. After all, it seems to be literally screaming for attention (is she trying to make it talk, Jim Carrey style?), "remember me, I used to be J-Lo's ass?"